It’s okay to be afraid
“Fear is either a lie or an inadequacy, and, action is the only antidote to fear” — came across this on social media.
The post is by a ‘coach’ from India, a country that ranks among the worst in the number of suicide cases annually. The National Crime Research Bureau records a 7.17% rise in suicides countrywide in 2021 over the previous year. Among the cases, 68.1% or two-thirds of the victims were either daily-wage workers, homemakers, students, unemployed or self-employed, groups known to suffer from fear of failure and/or rejection.
The ‘coach’ (writes on parenting too!) either has a twisted understanding of psychology or is among the select number of Indian socio-economic individuals who, sitting in their ivory towers, can’t fathom what it means to be underserved. There’s a third possibility too, of an insecure, highly aggressive individual whose strategy is to weave complex word webs to win the adulation of eager, vulnerable, and easily impressionable minds.
For, the oversimplified notion that ‘fear is either a lie or an inadequacy’ is not only lacking in understanding but also risks perpetuating harmful stereotypes and undermining the emotional well-being of children.
Psychology Today underscores the importance of emotions, including fear, as crucial signals conveying vital information about our internal state. Fear, far from being a lie, serves as an innate response to potential threats, aiding individuals in navigating challenges and making informed decisions. Agreed, ‘…action is the only antidote to fear’ but how would one act against something one chooses to dismiss? It contradicts the development of emotional intelligence in children.
A child expresses fear about going to school due to bullying, for example. Dismissing his fear as a lie or inadequacy will surely discourage the child from communicating and addressing a genuine concern, potentially leading to emotional distress.
It is pertinent to note India has the highest rate of cyberbullying (85%) among children, according to online protection major McAfee’s 2022 survey, ‘Cyberbullying in Plain Sight. “Cyberbullying in India reaches alarming highs as more than 1 in 3 kids face cyber racism, sexual harassment, and threats of physical harm as early as at the age of 10 — making India the #1 nation for reported cyberbullying in the world,” said Gagan Singh, Chief Product Officer, McAfee.
What’s further alarming is that the McAfee survey found “45% of children in India hide their cyberbullying experiences from their parents”, ostensibly because of a lack of conversation or fear of stigma. Now, do we tell these children that their fear is unfounded, a lie, or that it exhibits their inadequacy in combating such traumatic experiences?
Further, gender stereotypes embedded in such perspectives are evident, glaring, and harmful to not just an individual but the social structure too. Equating fear with inadequacy contributes to a toxic narrative that implies expressing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. These perspectives give rise to damaging beliefs like ‘mard ko dard nahin hota [A real man (sic!) does not feel pain] and ‘boys don’t cry’. It falls upon informed parents to dismantle such damaging stereotypes.
Imagine a scenario where a boy refrains from expressing his fear of failure in academics due to societal expectations. Student suicides for fear of failure, just before the Grade X and XII examinations’ results in India, are annual tragic occurrences. Suppressed and unchecked fear can lead to emotional repression with life-threatening effects.
Characterizing fear and inadequacy as falsehoods risks dehumanizing children. Emotions are an integral part of the human experience, and suppressing them can have profound and disastrous psychological consequences. Encouraging children to deny their emotions leads to a generation that struggles with empathy, emotional connection, and navigating complex social relationships.
A 2014 VOGUE India’s ad against domestic violence emphasizes that Indian boys, perhaps, should be taught they don’t make girls cry rather than being told that ‘boys don’t cry’. Indeed. Suppressing emotions, including fear, damages the mind, body, and soul. Not acknowledging fear does not only hinder positive thoughts and actions but can also lead one to become rigid and unresponsive to senses of values, reasoning, and social order.
If they are forced to suppress and/or deny their fears and inadequacies, children are likely to develop anxiety disorders leading to insecurity, aggression, and even violence. Acknowledging fear, on the other hand, can contribute to resilience and healthier coping mechanisms.
Contrary to discouraging fear, it’s imperative to accept and understand, and build emotional literacy. Denying fear results in the absence of empathy and emotional disconnect socially. Parenting includes encouraging children to acknowledge and manage their emotions effectively, fostering resilience and emotional intelligence.
The key lies in fostering an environment that allows children to develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and a nuanced understanding of their internal world. Open communication about emotions creates a supportive environment, enabling children to navigate life’s challenges while maintaining their individuality and humanity.
It become imperative in the complex world of today, for parents to steer children away from misogynistic and stereotypical perspectives. Fear is neither a lie nor an inadequacy. Feel it, know it, and conquer it.
